I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
