That's when you crack a 10am beer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
