it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
