My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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