Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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