you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
