I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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