I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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