Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
