I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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