you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
