Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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