after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
