See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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