EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
