We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
