she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
