Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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