Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
