Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I skipped work to stalk him.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
