I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
