There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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