Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
