note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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