We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
