I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
