I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize