dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize