I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize