Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this just has baby written all over it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize