I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize