Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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