He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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