Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
