What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
