there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
