Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
