Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Michael Bay diarrhea
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
