I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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