Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
