I wish I only lived at night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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