We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
