They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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