At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
