We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize