There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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