I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
