and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
