i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
