can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize