Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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