Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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