Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
