You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
