We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
time to smoke my breakfast
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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