the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
