Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
