last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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