Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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