my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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